Thoughts on dating for twentysomethings
Young adults in the dating world have many challenges. We are in a time where there are seemingly endless possibilities of people and we have access to many of them instantly through a website or app. It is also a time where people can present themselves however they want to over the internet and can easily portray whatever image of themselves they would like to portray. Sometimes people can intentionally mislead through these avenues, or at least greatly exaggerate.
Meeting people through bars and late night social scenes presents a different challenge because you’re likely to be meeting people while either you, or they, or both- are under the influence of alcohol. While this can initially eases social anxiety, as many know it sometimes comes with a whole host of other problems. Under the influence you’re less able to make solid judgment calls and more likely to regret a drunken hook-up.
Of course none of this may be a problem if you aren’t looking for something serious and neither is the person you are talking with. However, if you would like a stronger chance of a committed, happy and successful relationship, consider the following:
Be aware of what you want in a relationship. Take people at their word when they tell you what they are looking for and do not assume they might change their mind. If you want something serious and they don’t— have that be a deal breaker early on. Yes, you can tell someone on the first date that you are looking for something serious. Worried about scaring them off? You won’t scare off someone who is looking for that too.
Be yourself. Yes, this sounds simplistic but how long do you want to spend pretending to like or be interested in things you are not? Do you hate going to parties? Do you secretly love Harry Potter? Are you someone that prefers always being out and about and doesn’t want to watch movies on Friday nights? Ask yourself if you are over accommodating to what someone else wants and how they like to spend their time. If you spend time pretending, you will be unhappy and the truth of who you are will come out anyway! When you tell the truth of who you are an what you like, things have clarity from the beginning. You may find your differences are too vast, or perhaps you find in some ways opposites attract and you learn and grow from one another!
Do some self work. It takes two understanding, considerate people to make a relationship work. Some people are overly picky in a relationship and with finding a partner, some people could learn to be way more discerning. where do you fall?
Consider joining social groups where there are mutual interests. A book club, hiking club, choir, etc. This can make meeting someone easier because you instantly have something in common and something to bond over.
Still struggling? Find a therapist to talk to. We all have mental and emotional blocks that can get in the way and also, dating today can be stressful!
Remember these 5 tips and also do not be afraid to take a break from the dating world when needed. There can be so many other things to focus on and you may come back to dating with a renewed spirit.
