Facing Truths to Manage Anxiety in 2020
It’s no secret that anxiety and anxiety disorders are abundant today. Anxiety takes on many different forms and can look quite different from person to person, but the main component is fear; fear of the future, fear of facing hard truths, fear of managing or ending difficult relationships, fear of speaking up for ourselves or someone else, fear of what’s happening in the world around us, fear of facing limitations or challenges, and our overall fear of our ultimate responsibility to take ownership of our lives. This can be scary stuff!
It always amazing me how we are simultaneously so similar yet so different from each other. We all deal with anxieties from time to time . Most among us have worried about what someone thinks of us, about our romantic relationships or friendships, about losing control, about a job or financial situation, etc. Perhaps you worry about larger social, political or economic issues. Some of us worry so much, that it becomes habitual, an autopilot response that we don’t even realize we do. It is in the awareness of the ineffectual nature of worrying, and the act of catching ourselves in it, that we can begin to make thoughtful choices regardless of the worries.
In the bible Jesus says “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? “ You don’t have to be Christian to know the truth of this statement. And although we know this intellectually, the practice, the action, of not worrying is the challenge.
How do we begin to address anxiety in our day to day lives? There are a lot of physical, practical components to reducing the discomfort of anxiety such as relaxation techniques, deep breathing, exercise and nutrition. However, when I work with clients I also like to help them face some deeper realities. It is in coming to terms with truths that anxiety can be reduced. Here are some things we need to face for deeper healing of anxiety.
We need to face challenging cognitive dissonance. This is when you think your are supposed to, or should, think, feel or believe something, but you don’t. You likely have conflicting thoughts and feelings. People need to work through these feelings and find what they truly think and believe as the truth, rather than what they think they are supposed to think feel and believe. Perhaps our families, or society, holds something as taboo, regardless of how we experience them internally in our personal and private world. We need to figure out how to deal with our true feelings, beliefs and principles in useful ways.
we are responsible for ourselves and our lives as adults. Facing challenges, doing hard things, making choices others don’t understand, facing facts and reality, while sometimes painful, is also rewarding and powerful. At the end of the day, people can help you and give advice or listen, but no one can live your life but you.
Everyone has their own path. Stay in your own lane! Comparing ourselves to others rarely does much good UNLESS we are admiring someone we respect and can learn from them. I find people who will compare their weaknesses to others strengths and thus feel terrible about themselves. I love the Albert Einstein quotation “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
Realize deeply that we can cause a lot of our own distress by what we spend time thinking about (or not thinking about!) This can be where a good therapist comes in, because sometimes we don’t even pick up on the constant themes that are the background noise of our thoughts. Thinking, is one of our greatest gifts as people and separates us from other animals. Our minds are quite powerful! But at times our thinking ceases to be helpful and we can spend a lot of time overthinking, or avoiding thinking, dwelling on negativity and ruminating on things we cannot control. When we practice our ability to change the radio station in our head, we practice exerting more control over where our minds go. We can then take action on the things we desire to and can change.
There are seasons of life. We (typically) can’t do everything at once, and if we try we get overwhelmed, frustrated and ineffective. Research has shown us people just aren’t that great at multi-tasking! Sometimes we have heavy burdens to carry at different times; aging parents, declining health or illness, young kids, busy careers. This is often just a part of being human. Life has ups and downs and we also benefit from respecting our limitations at various points in our lives.
Talking through and experiencing our true thoughts and feelings with another person can be a rewarding, challenging and healing experience. Remember to take the time to connect with a trusted friend, family member or therapist when experiencing anxiety , especially if it becomes problematic for you.
